26.9 - 1222 hrs back from cf camp in penang, shifted all my things out from the apartment, back to my home sweet home...with a mission to do for this 3 months...so many things to update that happened for that past one week...so...here i go... starting with cf camp...the day before camp, i didnt feel like going at all...was trying to find an excuse not to go...but i thank God that i went...why didnt i feel like going? emotional breakdown once again...and i'm sorry peeps that i broke my promise...at that spur of the moment...i cant think straight...although i wasnt alone in the apartment that night...i still did it...it hurt a lot...and it was worst this time round...had it bandage in camp...and had many people asking me what happened...sigh...anyway...at the end of the camp..i did tell them the reason why...but that's not the point....what i learnt in that camp is what that's important.. lately...i've been listening to so many sermons bout unity...almost every place i go...they'd be telling bout unity...especially christian unity...i never thought that it's so difficult to be united...after listening to them speak...it is so true...these days..churches are so diversed...simply because of small matters and reasons that are so silly. unity can only be achieved with Christ being in the centre of it..and why have christian unity? 2 reasons...1st, to tell others that God sent Jesus to give us life....and 2nd, to know for a fact that God loves us. we shouldnt be just focusing on the christian community...but the community outside...it's them whom we need to reach out to...it's like something just fell on my head...i've been concentrating so much on my own problems till i forget bout them...i've lost the passion to help and care for others...giving myself up for them...it was a joy to me when i was able to make them happy and feel relieved sometimes...but all of that wouldnt have happened if Christ wasnt in me...now...i'm still searching and reflecting back where have i really put God in my life... next topic...shifting...shifted out yesterday...didnt know that i collected so many things just in that 3-4 months...thank God all the things was able to fit in to aaron's car...otherwise..have to make two trips...have to go back there though...some of them borrowed some things from me...and besides...i have to return back the key to the tenant....not sure whether i'll be able to collect the deposit or not though...since he knew when i shifted in that i'll only be there till end of this month...glad to be back home in malacca... =) 3 months mission...what is that mission? well...i was planning to get a part time job at first and get myself busy with work...but now...i've a better plan..but is it His plan? well...praying bout it now...before i find a job. the plan is to get my church youths to join the adults in prayer meeting and pray for revival in our church youths and in their schools...somehow want to build the foundation for the church youths....but of course...it's His plan and leading... not only that...plan to build my basics in my major as well....do some research here and there...and know the apa format at the tip of my fingers...so...basicaly...may not work at all..shall wait and see how...now...just trying to unpack my things and clear some things away.... one issue that can never be solved in my life...is bgr...things just somehow...have to get worst...what's it bout me that's so attractive?? do i keep giving wrong signals? that's what some said...over friendly till guys misunderstand...and the way i treat them too...seems like i treat them differently from girls...and i care for them too much...sigh...what's the truth?? it's just me..that's my personality....maybe i am over..i dont know...to me...that's how i care for others just like how Jesus would do...i wonder...if Jesus was a girl...what would He do?? how would he care for the opposite sex without giving them the wrong idea?? that reminds me...i've been challenge in my faith...i mean...i've a friend asking me questions like jesus=god? and wow...had a hard time explaining...i myself got confused..why did that happen? well..i have head knowledge...but no heart knowledge...searching for the heart knowledge now...want to experience that close relationship with my Lord Jesus again.... and typing bout Lord..i had this perception that i shouldnt use that title for Him since i dont put Him no1 in my life...as in...not quite sure how to put it into words...but now...Lord = I am who I am...I am who I am to be to you....that's so marvellous...He'll be who ever i need (not want) Him to be...if i need a friend...He'll be that caring friend...if i need support, He'll be that support...if i need a father, He is that loving Father stretching His hands out to me...isnt that wonderful?? okie...got to end here...lunch time...not having lunch though...need to unpack my things...haha...so..take care peeps....adios..... ~ UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL ~ | 
adios